The words our family uses have led to many confused looks by friends visiting our home for the first time, new members of the family (such as spouses) being called names that don't appear in any dictionary (choochy), and general confusion all around when certain Blanchardisms are used outside the walls of 4256 Brockshire.
For those of you who don't intimately know our family yet (a lucky group indeed), let me share a brief dictionary of our favorite "words" (a term I use loosely as you'll soon find out).
*because many of these words have never been recorded, some spelling will be feebly attempted by the author - add any words you remember in the comments below
Dingleberries [noun] - mangy clumps of dog fur - not to be confused with other berries which are actually okay to eat
"Dog hair cuts each Spring always revealed dingleberries in the most surprising places."
Choochy [adj] - having the appearance of cuteness - typically used when someone wears clothes they normally wouldn't wear that are considered cute by other members of the family
"Doesn't Gregg look choochy in this polo/button down/sweater vest/etc.?"
Cottage Chage [noun] - ("age" in both words pronounced like mirage) also known as cottage cheese, a feeble Blanchard attempt to sound sophisticated (a trait quickly lost once the eating commences)
"Can you pass the cottage chage."
Boodjay [command] - a command used to tell someone to move out of my way - this one word is already a full sentence and cannot be used with any other words - typically used when someone is standing if front of the silverware drawer and another family member needs a fork
"Boodjay."
Boodj [command] - used when the speaker is too lazy to use the full "word", typically used when someone is standing in front of the dishwasher door - often used following "boodjay" if first command is not obeyed (or understood)
"Boodj."
Gra [nickname leading into ridiculousness] - required to be either preceded or followed by "ma" - once used, every word following must end in "a"
"Ha ma, wha tha?" "A, Gra, na tha." "A ka."
Wicked [adj] - synonymous with good, great, wonderful, magnificent, glorious, spectacular, near perfect - used to describe cats for whom we never share our true feelings lest they gain even more power over us
"You are so wicked!" "[purrrrrrrrr]"
Mahdjay [command] - eat - used by our Mother to tell us to start eating - frequently followed by 4-5 trips to and from the cupboards/stove where she fetches "essential" utensils or seasonings which, to this day, have never actually been used during the meal
"Mahdjay"
Mahdj [command] - eat, shortened - used most often after the second trip to the cupboards/stove
"Mahdj"
Blanch [nickname] - used in third person when scolding oneself for missing a short putt - mistakenly used by the high school friends of one family member who misunderstood the original meaning
"Come on Blanch!"
Heb [nickname] - Heather - has been known to lead young Blanchards raised in Utah to be shocked when, in other states, they see a grocery store named after their sister
"I haven't heard Heather called Heb in years."
Lamb [nickname] - Laurel (variation: lamber) - note: behavior of animal used for this nickname bears no actual resemblance to the behavior of aforementioned family member
"Thanks, Lamber."
Bear [nickname] - Ryan, (variation: bear-friend) - unknown origin, though perhaps related to the smell in the room occupied by said family member during his week of wisdom-tooth surgery recovery
"We missed you bear-friend."
Pup [nickname] - Gregg - note: also a curse that keeps this family member from ever looking his age
"Hi Pup!"
Pauline [nickname] - Dad (Paul) when "Paul" isn't mushy enough - not to be confused with the Pauline Epistles (after careful examination, the clear omission of any reference to the parable of the fists - 6 months in the hospital vs sure death - helped scholars conclude that our Father did not in fact write many of the books in the New Testament)
"[edited for content too mushy for family blogs]"
Grump [noun] - used to gently suggest one's state directly before retiring for the night
"Go to bed, grump."
Ggggggggggggggggg [noise] - a higher-pitched-Chewbaca-like noise made by our mother when she hears really exciting news - involves clenched fists held close to her chest, squinty eyes, crying - hugging immenent when sound is heard
"Gggggggggggggggggggg, [puts phone down and turns to dad], Gregg's engaged!"
Moo [nickname] - Melia - unknown origin - a form of reverse psychology - every time "moo" is used, Melia's cuteness increases
"Well hello there Miss Moo."
Noodletoot [noun] - synonymous with stinker, punk, sneak [Elwoodism], doublecrosser, rabblerouser, etc. - though to the untrained eye the meaning seems to be related to yesterday's spaghetti, the actual origins of this word are unknown
"You are such a noodletoot."
Booana [noun] - term of endearment, synonymous with "you"
"Come here booana."
47/17/21/35 [noun] - used to ask for our Father's always available pocket knife - we all claim to know what the real number is, but we all remember different numbers - used most often on Christmas morning - known for a blade of remarkable eternal cleanliness that only gets cleaner when contacted by the entrails of rainbow trout
"Padre, can I use your 47...gotta cut a dingleberry off Benson's haunches."
"" [threat (empty)] - if our Mother's hand is held, palm down, near her shoulder and is accompanied by something that resembles more of a smile than a glare, this is a threat - do not be alarmed
